


To Perch On Your Shoulder

by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch



Series: When Mary Met Cas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch/pseuds/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary is wary of Cas. Dean doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Perch On Your Shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by the tumblr discussion if Mary will Dean help figure out his feelings for Cas.

„I don’t like how he’s staring at you.“

“And how is that, mom?” Dean asked, tired.

That last days had been exhausting. Dealing with Sam and the Men of Letters Chapter in London, getting over the shock and subsequent joy of having his mom back, finding Cas here in the bunker beating himself up over having failed Dean again. And on top of all that, his mother was not only freaked out by the fact that they shared this space with a real angel – she despised the mere idea that he was Dean’s friend.

“Like he owns you.”

“Well, he kind of does … now wait, that came out wrong. But I owe him my life, and Sam’s life for that matter. If it weren’t for him, we would have been dead a long time ago. And worse – we would still rot in hell.”

He looked into the face he had yearned to see just one more time for the better part of his life.

“Trust me on this, mom. Cas is one of the good guys.”

“I can’t help myself. The mere thought that a … thing … like that even exists. And that he laid a hand on you. I don’t know. It’s wrong. You should not put so much faith in a being you can’t understand.”

They sat at the table in the kitchen, Mary in Sam’s spot with her back to the door. Dean had cooked them dinner, pasta with a delicious carbonara sauce. The plates were long gone, as was Cas who excused himself to go read in the library. The kitchen always felt like the heart of the bunker, now even more so with Mary’s presence. It felt like home. They had shared stories for hours, about the early years of his life with her in it and the years since.

“Mom, you were the one who told me angels were watching over me. Now I got one that really does the job. You should be happy.”

“That was just a saying, Dean. I never thought that there are real angels. And from what I hear they are not much better than the monsters we hunt. I just want you to be careful. Mingling with something that’s not human can only lead to chaos.”

Dean watched her, unsure how to react to that. He had never imagined his mother to be so … small minded. Her words cut deeper than he let on. He felt himself getting instantly defensive. He wanted to protect Cas and argue with his mother that she had it all wrong. But he still was so happy to have her back that he bit back his answer.

“I thought so too, for a really long time. But you haven’t seen what I’ve seen. Vampires fighting their bloodlust and being decent people ...”

He looked at his hands, still remembering Benny fighting alongside him in purgatory.

“Sometimes it’s not so much a matter of what you are but who you are. And Cas? He made mistakes. But …”

He looked up and held his mother’s gaze steadily.

“He’s more human than a lot of people I’ve met. And I’m sure if you give him a chance, you’ll see that, too.”

She took his hand over the table. Her slim fingers curled around his rough bigger palm.

“Honey, I believe you that you think that. And that you care for him. I’m just afraid that he isn’t equipped to share the sentiment. He’s not human. And I’m pretty sure I will never forget that.”

She stood. “I’ll go to bed. See you tomorrow.”

She placed a soft kiss on his head and he leaned on her for moment, just relishing the soft touch.

“Good night, mom."

 

* * *

 

Cas found him an hour later, still sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, how are you doin’?”

“I feel much better, thank you. My grace is fully back to normal.” He sat down in the chair his mother had vacated a while ago. “What about you? You seem lost in thought.”

“My mother … we had a talk and I can’t stop thinking about it. She doesn’t trust you and I tried to make her see what you mean to us … to me. But it’s like she can’t get past the fact that you are an angel. I don’t know. It irks me.”

“She needs time to adjust. So much is different. She lost her boys when they were small. Now she’s back and Sam is gone. And you are grown, a hunter. It must be overwhelming. Just give her time.”

“See? How understanding you are? You got empathy, Cas, more than most people. I just wish she could see what a great guy you are.”

“Why does it matter to you? Your mother’s opinion of me has no direct influence on anything important. You could just leave it alone and see if she changes it.”

Cas looked at his hands, and if Dean didn’t know it better, he seemed like he as fishing. Like he wanted Dean to say _that_ and _why_ it mattered. Dean couldn’t be sure so he said,

“She says you’re not ‘equipped’ to feel like I do.” He put the air quotes up with a grin, knowing Cas wouldn’t catch on the innuendo.

Except.

Cas’ eyes went a little wide and he inhaled sharply.

_What the hell?_

Dean stared at Cas.

Cas stared at Dean.

“I know you don’t feel comfortable when we address this, but let me assure you: There’s nothing wrong with my emotional abilities. Everything that is human about me I learned from you. And my feelings for you are my most cherished possession. I don’t know if they are the same as yours, but they are honest and unconditional.”

He seemed to debate the next words for long moments. Dean could see when he made up his mind, squaring his shoulders in a way that reminded him a lot of his own movements. When he spoke again, his voice was rough, almost angry, perhaps bitter about the fact that Dean still questioned him.

“From what I gather, humans call that love.”

There. Now it lay on the table. A naked thing that wouldn’t be strong enough to fight against Dean’s hang-ups.

And hell, Dean was angry, too. He felt laden with all the misconceptions that word would heap upon the unsaid sentences that crammed up in his brain. Cas should just have kept his mouth shut – because that was their safe MO and he didn’t need this. Not now.

“Yeah, they do,” he barked, knowing full well how moody and unfair he was being. “And they still don’t fucking know what it means when they say it! I could use that goddamn word and talk about my brother, my car, pie and my mom and … and my friends, but it would mean a different thing each time. So I get it, we have this bond but I honestly still don’t have a clue why you’re still here …”

Cas’ face was suddenly right in front of him.

“You are the most infuriating person I ever met. I died and bled and lost everything because of you and you still have the audacity to question my reasons for staying?”

The look in Cas’ not quite human eyes should scare Dean, he knows that, but he kept a lid on this boiling pot of anger, hurt and doubt for way too long to stop himself now.

“Yeah I do. Because I don’t get it. What do you want, Cas, huh? You can go everywhere, start your own cult, rule heaven or travel through time and do whatever the fuck you like. Why me?”

Something in him broke. Angry tears streamed down his face but he didn’t move to wipe them away. Cas should see this. He should see the ugly truth, that he had pledged himself to a broken shell of a man that couldn’t even keep it together long enough to have an argument about his own worth.

“My mom’s right on that, you know? You stare at me like I’m yours. But why would anybody even want to _own_ something as broken as me? I’m not good, Cas. So stop looking at me like I’m something that I’m not, okay?”

Cas squinted. Dean felt like an insect under a magnifying glass and shifted uncomfortably. The silence stretched on.

“What?” he grumbled when Cas didn’t move for too long.

“You know I’m trying to stay out of your head. You know how much I value free will. But this has to stop.”

Cas looked tired all of sudden, resignated. He raked a hand through his hair, making it stand up in places, and turned away. Such a human gesture, Dean thought. This was what all Cas really got out of it, wasn’t it? Frustration and disappointment.

“I love you, Dean. Not because I owe you or you owe me. Not because my father told me to. I love you more than my life and my family. And I want to see you happy. I always thought we could be that for each other – someone who made the other one happy. But we won’t change, will we? I will wait for you to see your worth and you will wait for me to leave you. It just doesn’t end.”

There was a tone in his voice Dean had never heard in it before. High and desperate and so full of anguish that it hit him like a physical blow. His hand reached out before he consciously decided to, gripping Cas’ shoulder and turning him around. He pulled Cas into a hug, because he hurt and that was the last thing Dean wanted. Their bodies melted into each other, like they had just waited to proof the words being said wrong -

When Dean looked up, he saw his mom, standing in the doorway. His first instinct was to pull back, making it look like a short embrace with a shoulder clap and something dudes would say. But he didn’t do any of that. This was Cas, and his mother should see that that made all the difference. Understanding dawned on her features. She nodded slowly and left the room.

As turning points go, this wasn’t spectacular or clear cut or something that would make a fancy note in the history books. But in the warmth between them the anger and the doubts were forged into something else, in that moment, when Dean’s mother saw him like this.

It wasn’t _her_ acceptance that changed everything – it was his own.

“Don’t go,” he whispered.

“Never,” said Cas.

 

 

* * *

* * *

Find me on [tumblr](https://procasdeanating.tumblr.com/).


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